Finding Forgiveness for Past Mistakes

This trash to treasure story comes from an anonymous reader. A big hug to a precious woman who was brave enough to be honest with her mistakes and sensitive to the truth that God’s love forgives and forgets when we own up to our sins.

You Will be Forgiven

Even in our very worst moments, God is there, answering the prayers we haven’t even sent to Him. He knows our every need before we do.

My first husband and I were having marital difficulties even before our second child was born. By the time she was 18 months old there seemed to be little left of our seven year-long marriage. We’d tried counseling, we’d moved to a different state, nothing seemed to help. I could blame the troubles on my husband, but I won’t go there. This story isn’t about his transgressions, it’s about mine.

I don’t know how it happened – well I guess I do know, but I don’t understand how it all spiraled out of control. I started seeing another man, a friend of my husband’s. He was kind and gentle, he listened to me and he didn’t judge me. Most important to me, he didn’t do drugs and he certainly did not deal drugs.

The affair went on for over a year. The lies. I could have drowned in just the lies alone. The lengths I went to to cover those lies. How I held down a full time job, kept house, and raised two children, I will never know. Certainly God wasn’t going to make this easy on me. Yet I kept it up for 13 long months.

At the time, I thought of myself as a Christian. I went to church, took the kids to Sunday School, prayed when I was in need or when I was thankful. I knew there was an omniscient God and that His Son was my Savior. Yet I lived a second life, a life outside of my family and my faith.

I came to a decision. Not the right one, I didn’t want to quit seeing this other man. I wanted to leave my first husband for him. I told myself that we would continue sneaking around until sometime after the divorce was final. Then suddenly we would appear to the outside world as if we had just started going out.

God knew that wasn’t the way this story was going to end, so He stepped in and saved me from myself when I least deserved it.

The night I was going to lay out my plan for this other man, he spoke up first.

“A girl I dated in high school called me up out of the blue. She was my first true love and I had asked her to marry me, but our lives were going in opposite directions. I guess I still love her and I want to see if this can work out for us.”

“What?” I could not comprehend what he was saying. How could he dump me when I had made all these plans?

I drove home alone in a daze. How could this happen to me? What was I going to do?

A gentle voice whispered in my ear. “Even in your darkest moments, I am here.”

How was that possible? How could God see me commit the worst of all sins and still be there for me? How did I deserve that kind of love?

I spent the next two decades asking daily for God’s forgiveness. The blanket of shame didn’t lift though; I didn’t think it was possible that He could really forgive me. Over time and with lots of prayer, I came to realize that I needed to forgive myself first. I needed to accept that I am a poor miserable sinner but that all of my stains were washed away long ago by the blood of Jesus

Yes, God forgave me. And finally I was able to receive His forgiveness.

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